today has been so hard to deal with. i keep crying out of nowhere. i'll stop and be okay but then i'll start thinking about him and just break down. oh this is so hard. i love him so much. i miss him so much. i've been texting him all day today
but it's just so hard. i want things to go back to normal but i doubt they will
nothing will ever be the same ever again i know it and that kills me. liek i told him i wish i could wake up and have this all be one horrible nightmare and just foret about it and move on. but then reality hits me and i realize this isn't a dream. this is the real thing. i am hurting like crazy. my heart is aching. i have tears running down my face. i am shaking.

he called me babe today. and that tore me apart. it's so hard because it's over. we're over. he had to choose between me and her and he chose her. he says she's no me. nor will she ever be. he said he doesn't even know her and probably just was an adrenaline rush.. but you dont hurt the person you love like this. i told him to just had broken up with me instead. it would have hurt so much less than to go through what i am going through now. this is a pain that is just so undescribable.

he means so much to me. he was such a big part of me and my life. my mom liked him. his sisters were my sisters. we talked all day long and fell asleep together. i could go to him for anything and everything. i could open up and just talk to him about anything i needed to say. he was my best friend and i really feel as though i lost my better half..

i don't know how to feel. i don't know what to do. i don't know what to say. i don't know. i just don't know. this is killing me.. so bad.. my cheeks are covered in tears. once again i am crying and i just have to sit here and take it. cause ther's nohing i can do. he doesn't know what he wants. so how can i possibly try and make things better when things are so unsure. i don't know if things wil be okay as he says. because i am already hurt. i have been let down. i gave him my heart and instead of him handing it to me gently he threw it on the floor and it broke and now is hurting so bad.